Learn to Let Go

Ever since overcoming the mental block that Uriel encountered he hasn't said much of anything. No demands or urges to do something just staring out the window of my room while leaning against the wall with his arms crossed firm across his chest. He still follows me around if I leave the house but generally keeps to himself. I'm almost positive the only other he speaks to is Carwyn and possibly Pedran.

His behavior is surprising but not surprising if I go off his reputation. I'm not surprised by the fact that he ignores majority of those who are here, but I am surprised at the fact he's not pushing. When I think of Uriel, I think a teacher who will push you to the limit, making you give 110% to the task at hand. However, I hear nothing and feel nothing.

"Because I won't bother with someone who is not willing to commit." I finally ask, after pushing back the intimidation that I have with Uriel, about why he isn't pushing. "I'm still here because you haven't given me an answer if you are willing or not."

Out of habit I flicker my gaze towards the ground focusing on my responding thoughts. Though it takes a moment, I raise my gaze to answer. "I am willing. I want to learn."

He gives a nod of approval.

*

Uriel instructs me to select a station on Pandora and put in my headphones. There are only sounds, no words to distract me. The violin station is filled with modern and classical violin pieces in combination with numerous other instruments.

I'm taken to a small flower field surrounded with semi-large boulders sticking above the tall grass. The sky is of a setting sun like before when I first encountered Uriel except the colors are softer; pastels of yellows, pinks, and blues. I sit amongst the white and purple flowers, and tall grass leaning against one of the boulders. Instinctively I knew the boulders created a circle, and the one I was leaning against was in the center of the said circle. Uriel leaning on one of the large, outlining boulders, arms crossed and staring at the sky.

The task at hand is to loose myself in the music in order to let go. I am to grounded in the physical world, and any time I feel the sense of letting go I reach out and take control. I have to be in control. And that's my problem.

I just sit and listen to all music pieces. Just focusing on the sounds the each instrument makes. At one point in time I would have easily been able to do this but now a days it feels impossible. I love music, I can listen to it for hours on end, sing to all the tunes I know but to be completely consumed and genuinely be moved by musical pieces has long been gone.

After numerous pieces have passed by, eventually I get to my bare feet. I'm not sure what possessed me into doing so but I begin to dance. Just twirling mostly trying to dance to a type of music that I do not normally dance to. I can feel my awkwardness but I continue any way.

I feel a light grasp on one of my hands, and I'm twirled around. A hand lightly at my side, I find Uriel leading me in a two step dance. "Do you like to dance?" I inquiry, surprised that he's dancing with me.

"No." 

Instantly I gave him a mixed glance of confusion and curious. "Then why...?"

He ignores my question and continues with the two step for a little awhile longer before I'm gently pulled away. I'm in Taran's arms now, and I can see the possessive glare that he sends towards Uriel. Shaking my head, I continue on to dance pulling Tara with me to make him focus on me.

The pace slows and I slid my arms up to Taran's shoulders while his moves to circle my waist. I'm curious to know if we have ever done this before; I'm sure we have but I can not recall the moments. I'm wrapped to up into being his arms, and being in his comfort.

Recalling the Past

We don't recall the days that have no substance to them. When we remember the past we recall memories that left impressions in our lives, whether the memories were filled with pain, happiness, or anger.

I'm beginning to realize that the memories I'm recalling from my first life must have some kind of meaning that I need to recognize. The fact that there seems to be a pressing matter to remember my past if angels have been around to aid me in this task. I've just been curious in the selective memories I've been recalling that seem to hold no importance what so ever but if they are being shown to me, there is something to be learned.

"Carwyn can I sleep with you again?" I question hugging tightly onto two pillows that barely fit in my four year old arms. I stand at the side of his bed that seems to be big for him, peering over the tops of the feather filled bundles.

Carwyn groaned slightly with tiredness, lifting his body up heavily to a sitting position. I could barely see the blue hue of his half open eyes. "Father is going to get angry at you if you do."

My mind flashed an image of father's frustrated face when he found out that I had slipped into my twin's bed once again the other night. For unknown reasons father began to separate Carwyn and I more often lately especially when it came to sleeping arrangements. I didn't understand why father was doing this and I didn't feel the same safe comfort by myself. Only with Carwyn did I feel safe enough to sleep. I was willing to risk father's anger if that meant I could sleep soundly with Carywn. "I don't care," I murmured with stubbornness, frowning.

A soft sigh escapes his lips, and slumps back down into the bed. "I don't mind."

Smiling at his answer, I toss the pillows onto the bed and crawl over the side. Carwyn watches as I shift my pillows around to my liking before settling down into the bed, curling up close to Carwyn. Carwyn molds to my positioning, leaning his head gently against mine and holds one of my hands. "Good night..." Almost instantly, I slipped unconscious with the comfort that I had been yearning since the beginning of the night.





I stirred awake when I felt myself being shifted around I felt a different type of warmth that was different from Carwyn but familiar all the same.

"Momma," I slurred, my tone still thick with sleep barely able to open my eyes. I could feel her hand running through my hair in comfort, coxing my eyes to slip close again.

"My beautiful daughter," she greeted back feeling her kiss the top of my head. Her voice always reminded me of honey; smooth and sweet. 

I could feel myself being exchanged into another pair of arms that were strong and steady. Instantly I knew it was my father's but he didn't give off the aura of frustration or anger which soothed away any worries I had floating around in the thicket of sleep. I curled further into the safety of his arms, curling my fingers into the fabrics of his blouse. I could feel the scruf covering his lower face against my skin as he kissed my forehead. "I don't understand why you can stay in your own bed," he murmured softly. He's walking and I can feel the warmth on my back from the sun; I guessed through the sleepy haze he was standing by the window. 

"They're twins dear, they must get lonely without each other," I hear mother offer. With difficulty I manage to open my eyes a little again. Mother has Carwyn curled up in her lap, fingers playing his hair.

I hear father heavy sigh. He walks towards the bed again tightening his hold on me before he sits down on the bed. "Mm... tired," I mumble into his shirt wanting to slip back to sleep.

His chest vibrates from his chuckle. "Then sleep little one." I do as I am told and return to the dream scape.