Learn to Let Go

Ever since overcoming the mental block that Uriel encountered he hasn't said much of anything. No demands or urges to do something just staring out the window of my room while leaning against the wall with his arms crossed firm across his chest. He still follows me around if I leave the house but generally keeps to himself. I'm almost positive the only other he speaks to is Carwyn and possibly Pedran.

His behavior is surprising but not surprising if I go off his reputation. I'm not surprised by the fact that he ignores majority of those who are here, but I am surprised at the fact he's not pushing. When I think of Uriel, I think a teacher who will push you to the limit, making you give 110% to the task at hand. However, I hear nothing and feel nothing.

"Because I won't bother with someone who is not willing to commit." I finally ask, after pushing back the intimidation that I have with Uriel, about why he isn't pushing. "I'm still here because you haven't given me an answer if you are willing or not."

Out of habit I flicker my gaze towards the ground focusing on my responding thoughts. Though it takes a moment, I raise my gaze to answer. "I am willing. I want to learn."

He gives a nod of approval.

*

Uriel instructs me to select a station on Pandora and put in my headphones. There are only sounds, no words to distract me. The violin station is filled with modern and classical violin pieces in combination with numerous other instruments.

I'm taken to a small flower field surrounded with semi-large boulders sticking above the tall grass. The sky is of a setting sun like before when I first encountered Uriel except the colors are softer; pastels of yellows, pinks, and blues. I sit amongst the white and purple flowers, and tall grass leaning against one of the boulders. Instinctively I knew the boulders created a circle, and the one I was leaning against was in the center of the said circle. Uriel leaning on one of the large, outlining boulders, arms crossed and staring at the sky.

The task at hand is to loose myself in the music in order to let go. I am to grounded in the physical world, and any time I feel the sense of letting go I reach out and take control. I have to be in control. And that's my problem.

I just sit and listen to all music pieces. Just focusing on the sounds the each instrument makes. At one point in time I would have easily been able to do this but now a days it feels impossible. I love music, I can listen to it for hours on end, sing to all the tunes I know but to be completely consumed and genuinely be moved by musical pieces has long been gone.

After numerous pieces have passed by, eventually I get to my bare feet. I'm not sure what possessed me into doing so but I begin to dance. Just twirling mostly trying to dance to a type of music that I do not normally dance to. I can feel my awkwardness but I continue any way.

I feel a light grasp on one of my hands, and I'm twirled around. A hand lightly at my side, I find Uriel leading me in a two step dance. "Do you like to dance?" I inquiry, surprised that he's dancing with me.

"No." 

Instantly I gave him a mixed glance of confusion and curious. "Then why...?"

He ignores my question and continues with the two step for a little awhile longer before I'm gently pulled away. I'm in Taran's arms now, and I can see the possessive glare that he sends towards Uriel. Shaking my head, I continue on to dance pulling Tara with me to make him focus on me.

The pace slows and I slid my arms up to Taran's shoulders while his moves to circle my waist. I'm curious to know if we have ever done this before; I'm sure we have but I can not recall the moments. I'm wrapped to up into being his arms, and being in his comfort.