Always Together

It was always the same, no matter what day. My little hands curled in the fine textile of his blouse following behind Carwyn like a shadow, never leaving his side. If any of our kin tried pulling us apart would only be met with resistance. I would kick, tears in eyes, holding onto the fabric of his clothes even tighter refusing to let go. He mimicked similar behavior. His arms always found themselves around me holding onto me tightly, giving a defiant glance to anyone who tried to pull us apart. Eventually they gave up and allowed us to do what we wished.

But nothing can stay the same forever.

I've never seen his sharp cerulean eyes directing a glare at me before. His face flush red with anger and his voice yelling at me for the first time. I sat on the floor, just staring up at him with wide eyes, my chest tight with fear. Where was the kind brother that never yelled at me? Who always gave me a smile and bear hug just because he could? Who was this in front of me? My hands reached out trying to hold onto him, wanting him to stop yelling but he stepped back wrenching himself out of my grasp. Sending another vicious glare he stormed out of the room, and I watched his back disappear as the doors slammed loudly behind him.

"Carwyn..." I whimpered curling myself up into a little ball on the carpet floor, tears stinging my eyes. Hiding my face in my brought up knees, I just cried out loud, not caring who heard me. "Carwyn." 

Where was my brother?

It wasn't long before I heard the doors swing open, banging against the stone walls. I heard vaguely through my cries the sound of fabric dragging along the floor before I was engulfed in a pair of arms, and pulled into a gentle embrace. Immediately I uncurled myself and clung to my mother's form. "Shh... what is my daughter? What's wrong? Where's Carwyn?"

At the sound of his name I only cried louder. It hurt not being next to Carwyn. It felt like a part of myself was missing, that I was incomplete. But I was terrified of seeing that side of Carwyn, I was terrified to see him again. Mother tried hushing me, her fingers gliding through my locks coxing me to calm down. Eventually, after a long while, I did. Just lying there in her arms, exhaustion claiming my tiny body. My eyes felt puffy and heavy, and I sniffed loudly trying to clear my airways.

Mother began to lift me, my arms naturally wrapping themselves around her neck as her arms secured themselves around me before lifting. She stood up, and over her shoulder I saw father standing in the doorway. He appeared worried, his brows were furrowed in concern but he didn't approach any closer. Mother turned towards him making him leave my sight and I stared into the empty room as she stepped forward. She paused and I felt father's strong hand rub affectionately on my back murmuring my name.

"Carwyn." I heard mother's stern call of his name and automatically I turned my head to peer over my shoulder. Carwyn stood in the hall by a corner, his face was still pink from his previous outburst. But he stiffened when she called him name, his expression held regret but I could only imagine it was regret for coming back and getting caught by mother.

"Carwyn come here." This time it was father and hesitantly, Carwyn unwillingly stepped towards us. I tightened my grip around mother's neck when he neared. He stopped right in front of mother and father, his head ducked low slightly. Mother stared to lower me down to the floor in front of Carwyn, and realizing what she was doing I started to scream. "No!!" I cried clinging to mother's neck tighter, lifting my feet up to her waist to keep them from touching the ground.

Mother said by name, but I ignored her tears coming again. I didn't want to be near him, I was scared of him yelling at me again. I was scared to see that piercing glare. Through my tantrum I failed to see the sudden hurt that crossed Carwyn's face.

Mother secured me in her arms again, walking down the hall way into another room. 

The late morning passed to late afternoon. For once, I clung to mother's skirts rather than the Carwyn's blouse. It didn't feel the same, but mother was next comfort I had. My older brothers didn't want their younger sister clinging to them; they want to sword fight, run free. I was only an unwanted burden in their eyes. And my two younger siblings were still to young to wander around without my parents or some sort of adult around.

"Come now, you've been inside all day." Mother gently but firmly urged me forward towards the small steps to the garden. "Enjoy some time outside in the sun. Learn something new from nature, or even go play with your brothers."

My shoulders sagged at her suggestion of my brothers. I all ready knew they would refuse and it was mostly likely that Carwyn was with them. He was a boy, he was allowed to play with our brothers without any prejudice. "But mother-"

Mother cut me off with my name making me wince a little from the tone of voice she gave. There was no point in arguing anymore. "Now go on. You'll be allowed back in after a few hours." With that, she whirled around and disappeared behind closing doors.

With a frown I stepped down to the grass feeling the soft blades under my bare feet. Unable to go back inside I began to wander around. It felt strange being by myself, unnatural almost. I spend a good hour just gazing at the flowers, chasing butterflies, and rolling around in the grass. Until I spotted my brothers in the garden. Instantly, I scrambled behind a patch of overgrown ivy, weaving around a wooden structure.

Squatting down, I waited for them to pass. Minutes went by but I could still hear them from a far. But to far to hear anything comprehensible words. But finally I heard his name. "Carwyn, where you going!?"

I held my breath and I could hear foot steps getting closer. I didn't hear a response from Carwyn but I knew it was his footsteps that were getting closer. Just like I assumed, Carwyn came into full view walking right next to my hiding spot. At first he passed me and I thought I was spared a meeting but he stopped suddenly as if he knew, and he turned around. His eyes were wide with surprise, and I was just as surprised myself that he turned around so suddenly.

A moment past.

"Stay." He told me before taking off somewhere. I felt frozen in my spot as if my body was listening to his commend but in reality my mind was numb. I didn't know what to do. My chest was tight with fear but at the same time filled with longing to be with my twin. He returned before I could make sense of what I was feeling or what to do. He seemed slightly out breath, and cautiously sat down in front of me.

In his outstretched hand was a flower. I stared at the flower before flickering up at his eyes. They held that gentle gaze that I was used to. There were no more signs of the anger that I saw this morning. "I'm sorry..." he murmured quietly still holding out the single flower. Hesitantly, I reached out and took the delicate item into my own hand while the other gently grasped the hem of his sleeve, testing my boundaries with him. 

Slowly a smile claimed his lips. He reached out and his arms wrapped around me for a hug. My hand freed his sleeve and clutched onto him, keeping the flower close to my chest. "I'm sorry too..."