An autumn scent emitted from the candle on the side table. Picking up the lighter I stared at the five candles set up neatly on my dresser; three, tall white candles with two tiny green in between resting in a glass container. I close my eyes words tumbling into existence without any effort as I lit each wick; Let these candles guide any lost souls back home. Return to where you need to be. Let the light guide your way.
The flames flicker into existence, the wick crackling. This feeling... it's hard to describe. Familiar, like I've done this a million times before. It feels calming and rewarding. It feels like someone's listening. It feels... good.
An image flashes in my mind. I'm standing in a middle of a marble hall in bare footed, the cold stone beneath my feet. I'm standing tall dressed in a long white dress hanging every curve and the hem dragging behind me. My hair is longer, thicker, lighter hanging down to my waist. My fingers loosely laced together in front, gazing endearingly at the endless white candles lining both sides of the hall.
Have I done this before, long ago?
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Friday, May 2, 2014
Name
Sitting here looking through a list of Welsh-origin names; Deryn,
Arianwen, Ceri, Kiah, Seren... and then there was the name Lynn. I never knew that my middle name was related to a Welsh word, I was surprised to be honest. Though it's mostly a feminine name, it can be masculine. In English, the name can mean "pretty." However, it's roots derive from the Welsh (some sources just give a general category of Celtic) word llyn meaning lake and can be interpreted as meaning simply "lake" or "by/from the lake.
Bodies of water, such as lakes, have always been interpreted as connections with the Otherworld as gateways and the supernatural residents of the Otherworld. There are various stories, myths, and legends that have this water connection throughout the Insular Celtic countries including the island of Avalon, Arther receiving Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake, fae women being whisk away by mortal men to marry, and the list continues.
This would be a fitting name if the child is born a female. She would be named after me from this current life that she will be born into but still not from this plane. She will be fae, there is no question in that, a resident of the Otherworld. She would be from both worlds it would be only fitting that she should get a name that would work in both realms.
Lynn. I think that would be a nice name.
Bodies of water, such as lakes, have always been interpreted as connections with the Otherworld as gateways and the supernatural residents of the Otherworld. There are various stories, myths, and legends that have this water connection throughout the Insular Celtic countries including the island of Avalon, Arther receiving Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake, fae women being whisk away by mortal men to marry, and the list continues.
This would be a fitting name if the child is born a female. She would be named after me from this current life that she will be born into but still not from this plane. She will be fae, there is no question in that, a resident of the Otherworld. She would be from both worlds it would be only fitting that she should get a name that would work in both realms.
Lynn. I think that would be a nice name.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Dream or reality?
Is this merely a trick of my unbalanced hormones influencing my desires for a family or a twisted fate of being prevented from properly raising my child once again?
I twirl a pencil in my hand staring an empty piece of paper, partially listening to Carwyn's voice giving Taran a verbal lashing. So many different opinions, information, and suggestions have been given since this morning. At least I've been able to calm down from the absolute disbelief from the morning, continuously referring back to the pendulum to make sure I was hearing correctly. But every time, every single bloody time the pendulum swung yes.
None of this feels real like this is some kind of huge joke that everyone was in on. They've been wrong before why can't this situation be any different? Maybe this monthly cycle is just really messing me up and they're reading all the signs wrong. I keep telling myself this, but a voice in the back of my mind reminds me constantly that Pedran is a trained physician. Why would he lie about something serious as this?
Dropping the pencil on the table I glance at my brother, surprised to see him grasping Taran's collar tightly looking like he wanted to throttle the man in his grasp despite the obvious difference in stature and size. Taran, however, just allowed Carwyn to vent but also absorbing every word that came tumbling out.
I wonder if this is how parents feel when they receive surprising news like this with their children. Some kind a mixture of between anger and frustration and 'You should of known better' but mixed in with some kind endearment of the idea of a child. Is this what Carwyn is feeling? Is this what others are feeling? I don't know how I feel, there is no way I could compare how anyone else is feeling about this possibility of caring a child.
Just seeing how Carwyn was still grasping Taran's collar, I furrowed my brows. Throughout the day Taran's been the target for any anger while I've been treated carefully like a glass flower that would crack with any mishandling. He's received such a variety of criticism from what were you thinking, you should have known better and he probably planned this all along. The last comment angers and upsets me every time I think about it. I keep being told that it's rare for this to happen and if that's so, Taran probably didn't think anything was going to happen. He can be an asshole, I know that and I've seen it, but he's not that much of an asshole. It's like saying that he didn't care about what I thought and he was using me which is such a ridiculous notion.
Even now, I can feel guilt and some regret radiating from him. What Carywn was saying to him, he was taking to heart. Shouldn't I be sharing the blame for this? After all I did say okay to his advances. We thought nothing of it, the astral place functions on a different level than the physical reality. We love each other, isn't that natural?
"Do you regret? Do you regret any of this" He asks me so sincerely. He out of Carwyn's grasp and leaning in close playing with the ends of my hair. He's staring straight into my eyes unwavering, waiting for my answer.
I shake my head. lightly "Not a single thing." I reach out, barely brushing my fingertips against his cheek. He seems relieved with my answer but not content.
He offers another way, hesitantly. "There are ways to prevent having the child. Just an option that you can take if you don't want this. There's always another choice."
Just the idea makes my stomach turn unpleasantly in rejection. I appreciate that I was given another choice, given the option but even still I couldn't imagine doing such a thing. As if he could sense my answer without saying or motion anything, he pulls me closer and gently hugs me. Being extra careful like the last few days, extra gentle. Reaching up, I hold onto his arms leaning my head against the middle of his chest.
If this is really happening, how is this all suppose to work? All that I'm told is that it'll be a much quicker pregnancy, no nine month wait, and that physically I shouldn't change to much. Possibly gain a bit of weight and some mood swings, maybe a change in diet. Astrally though, I will physically change drastically that others will notice without trouble. Pedran predicts with the rate I'm growing (if I'm really growing at all) that it will be little over two weeks.
But what then? What happens when I'm suppose to go into labor? Will I physically feel pain or will it be slight and really uncomfortable? How will I know? There is just so many questions that I don't understand. Then there is the concern how will I take care of her if I physically can't touch or hold her? How am I suppose to feel about all this? Am I suppose to be terrified? Am I suppose to joyful?
I just curl myself closer to Taran. Is this a dream or reality?
I twirl a pencil in my hand staring an empty piece of paper, partially listening to Carwyn's voice giving Taran a verbal lashing. So many different opinions, information, and suggestions have been given since this morning. At least I've been able to calm down from the absolute disbelief from the morning, continuously referring back to the pendulum to make sure I was hearing correctly. But every time, every single bloody time the pendulum swung yes.
None of this feels real like this is some kind of huge joke that everyone was in on. They've been wrong before why can't this situation be any different? Maybe this monthly cycle is just really messing me up and they're reading all the signs wrong. I keep telling myself this, but a voice in the back of my mind reminds me constantly that Pedran is a trained physician. Why would he lie about something serious as this?
Dropping the pencil on the table I glance at my brother, surprised to see him grasping Taran's collar tightly looking like he wanted to throttle the man in his grasp despite the obvious difference in stature and size. Taran, however, just allowed Carwyn to vent but also absorbing every word that came tumbling out.
I wonder if this is how parents feel when they receive surprising news like this with their children. Some kind a mixture of between anger and frustration and 'You should of known better' but mixed in with some kind endearment of the idea of a child. Is this what Carwyn is feeling? Is this what others are feeling? I don't know how I feel, there is no way I could compare how anyone else is feeling about this possibility of caring a child.
Just seeing how Carwyn was still grasping Taran's collar, I furrowed my brows. Throughout the day Taran's been the target for any anger while I've been treated carefully like a glass flower that would crack with any mishandling. He's received such a variety of criticism from what were you thinking, you should have known better and he probably planned this all along. The last comment angers and upsets me every time I think about it. I keep being told that it's rare for this to happen and if that's so, Taran probably didn't think anything was going to happen. He can be an asshole, I know that and I've seen it, but he's not that much of an asshole. It's like saying that he didn't care about what I thought and he was using me which is such a ridiculous notion.
Even now, I can feel guilt and some regret radiating from him. What Carywn was saying to him, he was taking to heart. Shouldn't I be sharing the blame for this? After all I did say okay to his advances. We thought nothing of it, the astral place functions on a different level than the physical reality. We love each other, isn't that natural?
"Do you regret? Do you regret any of this" He asks me so sincerely. He out of Carwyn's grasp and leaning in close playing with the ends of my hair. He's staring straight into my eyes unwavering, waiting for my answer.
I shake my head. lightly "Not a single thing." I reach out, barely brushing my fingertips against his cheek. He seems relieved with my answer but not content.
He offers another way, hesitantly. "There are ways to prevent having the child. Just an option that you can take if you don't want this. There's always another choice."
Just the idea makes my stomach turn unpleasantly in rejection. I appreciate that I was given another choice, given the option but even still I couldn't imagine doing such a thing. As if he could sense my answer without saying or motion anything, he pulls me closer and gently hugs me. Being extra careful like the last few days, extra gentle. Reaching up, I hold onto his arms leaning my head against the middle of his chest.
If this is really happening, how is this all suppose to work? All that I'm told is that it'll be a much quicker pregnancy, no nine month wait, and that physically I shouldn't change to much. Possibly gain a bit of weight and some mood swings, maybe a change in diet. Astrally though, I will physically change drastically that others will notice without trouble. Pedran predicts with the rate I'm growing (if I'm really growing at all) that it will be little over two weeks.
But what then? What happens when I'm suppose to go into labor? Will I physically feel pain or will it be slight and really uncomfortable? How will I know? There is just so many questions that I don't understand. Then there is the concern how will I take care of her if I physically can't touch or hold her? How am I suppose to feel about all this? Am I suppose to be terrified? Am I suppose to joyful?
I just curl myself closer to Taran. Is this a dream or reality?
Friday, March 28, 2014
Dream: The Piper
"Don't you remember?" The lady with the fire red hair, curled in tight curls stared at me curiously.
"No," I shook my head trying to recall.
The lady looked complex about my answer. "I could of swore you returned with a red butterfly balloon. It was such a strange sight."
I frowned and returned forward, slouching against the old leather of my seat. I stare at the back of the seat in front of me, trying to recall. It sounds so familiar, like something I have forgotten. The balloon nudged at my memory. The more I thought about it, the more it started to come back images piecing together;
The forest was dark but rays of moonlight filter through the bare winter trees giving enough comforting light through. Stepping down the path that lead deeper into the snow covered forest, I wondered why I was here. Why did I come down? When did I start walking down this path?
I pause my stride, noticing I'm not alone. A silhouette dashes through amongst the branches of the trees, and my eyes can't figure out where the silhouette is, but I know someone is there. A thump resonates from behind, and I turn, startled to find a young man standing there with an arrogant, confident grin on his face. He greets me, holding out his hand with the palm stretched completely open before a snowflakes appear swirling around from a non-existent wind, rising out of the palm of his hand.
My eyes widen, taking a step back away from him. His hair is as dark as the night without any moonlight shining in the sky, his eyes a hypnotic violet-blue that try to pull me deeper into a trance. He stands much taller than my young, child body wearing such a strange outfit. Golds, purples, and dark, deep blues color his outfit but all such fine clothing to announce his status of someone noble. He chuckles, lowering himself to my eye level and beckons me closer, "Come here child."
Hesitantly, I step closer. His voice is smooth, and comforting but something in the back of my mind tells me that its false, its in his nature. He drapes a bright, deep red cloak around my shoulders. Instantly I feel much warmer, I curled my hands into the fabric wanting to warm them so more. He reaches out and takes one of my hands in his own, feeling just how ice cold they were in comparison. He leans forward whispering into my ear.
That's right. I recall walking out of the forest with his guidance but he disappeared the moment I returned to my classmates. Around my wrist, a red, butterfly balloon is tied there to prevent it from flying around. I scrunch my face, trying to remember what he had said to me that night. However, I only draw a blank.
With one more bump, the bus rolled to a complete stop. Grabbing our language from underneath seats and above, we exited out of the vehicle to be greeted with the fresh, sweet air and lush green scenery. Our hotel mimicking an old stone castle with moss, and other over grown plants clinging to the old stone walls trying to reach for the skies.
Inside was a absolutely different. The room I was to share with three other girls was rather a romantic setting. The floor a pure white tile that was tinted a light pink from the reflection of the soft, light see-through pastel pink fabrics used as curtains for the tall windows and shades for our beds. Everything in the room was elegant, feminine, and gave a warm gentle feel. Dropping my bag near the bed I claimed as mine, I brushed aside the fabric in order to get to the puffy, feathered comforter and collapse on top of it.
Groaning, I lifted my heavy head and managed to see the back of my roommate just before she disappeared out the door. Frowning, I quickly scrambled out of my bed to follow her. Where on earth would she be going outside in her night gown for?
I continued to follow her out the hotel and down the stone path towards what looked like a huge green house. Huge enough to hold a mini forest which is what it exactly held. My roommate pushed open the glass door and stepped in. Hesitantly, I follow through the left open door and find that she has completely disappeared. Each step is filled with caution as I walk deeper into this contained forest, huddling next to tree trunks when they were close enough, observing the area looking for any signs of my roommate or anyone before moving on. I pause, suddenly feeling like someone is watching and it feels familiar. After a moment, I instantly glance up to see him once again. He's leaning comfortably against the trunk stretched out on a high branch. He's looking down at me amusingly; that confident but arrogant smile stretched across his face.
"Pipers have the power to whisk people away in the dead of the night with their music."
"Each one has their own unique power."
"Children have disappeared..."
"Michael."
My heart jumped with fear and without a second thought I turned my heel and sprinted out of the greenhouse as fast my feet could take me all the way back to my room. He's here.
*
"No," I shook my head trying to recall.
The lady looked complex about my answer. "I could of swore you returned with a red butterfly balloon. It was such a strange sight."
I frowned and returned forward, slouching against the old leather of my seat. I stare at the back of the seat in front of me, trying to recall. It sounds so familiar, like something I have forgotten. The balloon nudged at my memory. The more I thought about it, the more it started to come back images piecing together;
The forest was dark but rays of moonlight filter through the bare winter trees giving enough comforting light through. Stepping down the path that lead deeper into the snow covered forest, I wondered why I was here. Why did I come down? When did I start walking down this path?
I pause my stride, noticing I'm not alone. A silhouette dashes through amongst the branches of the trees, and my eyes can't figure out where the silhouette is, but I know someone is there. A thump resonates from behind, and I turn, startled to find a young man standing there with an arrogant, confident grin on his face. He greets me, holding out his hand with the palm stretched completely open before a snowflakes appear swirling around from a non-existent wind, rising out of the palm of his hand.
My eyes widen, taking a step back away from him. His hair is as dark as the night without any moonlight shining in the sky, his eyes a hypnotic violet-blue that try to pull me deeper into a trance. He stands much taller than my young, child body wearing such a strange outfit. Golds, purples, and dark, deep blues color his outfit but all such fine clothing to announce his status of someone noble. He chuckles, lowering himself to my eye level and beckons me closer, "Come here child."
Hesitantly, I step closer. His voice is smooth, and comforting but something in the back of my mind tells me that its false, its in his nature. He drapes a bright, deep red cloak around my shoulders. Instantly I feel much warmer, I curled my hands into the fabric wanting to warm them so more. He reaches out and takes one of my hands in his own, feeling just how ice cold they were in comparison. He leans forward whispering into my ear.
That's right. I recall walking out of the forest with his guidance but he disappeared the moment I returned to my classmates. Around my wrist, a red, butterfly balloon is tied there to prevent it from flying around. I scrunch my face, trying to remember what he had said to me that night. However, I only draw a blank.
With one more bump, the bus rolled to a complete stop. Grabbing our language from underneath seats and above, we exited out of the vehicle to be greeted with the fresh, sweet air and lush green scenery. Our hotel mimicking an old stone castle with moss, and other over grown plants clinging to the old stone walls trying to reach for the skies.
Inside was a absolutely different. The room I was to share with three other girls was rather a romantic setting. The floor a pure white tile that was tinted a light pink from the reflection of the soft, light see-through pastel pink fabrics used as curtains for the tall windows and shades for our beds. Everything in the room was elegant, feminine, and gave a warm gentle feel. Dropping my bag near the bed I claimed as mine, I brushed aside the fabric in order to get to the puffy, feathered comforter and collapse on top of it.
*
Groaning, I lifted my heavy head and managed to see the back of my roommate just before she disappeared out the door. Frowning, I quickly scrambled out of my bed to follow her. Where on earth would she be going outside in her night gown for?
I continued to follow her out the hotel and down the stone path towards what looked like a huge green house. Huge enough to hold a mini forest which is what it exactly held. My roommate pushed open the glass door and stepped in. Hesitantly, I follow through the left open door and find that she has completely disappeared. Each step is filled with caution as I walk deeper into this contained forest, huddling next to tree trunks when they were close enough, observing the area looking for any signs of my roommate or anyone before moving on. I pause, suddenly feeling like someone is watching and it feels familiar. After a moment, I instantly glance up to see him once again. He's leaning comfortably against the trunk stretched out on a high branch. He's looking down at me amusingly; that confident but arrogant smile stretched across his face.
"Pipers have the power to whisk people away in the dead of the night with their music."
"Each one has their own unique power."
"Children have disappeared..."
"Michael."
My heart jumped with fear and without a second thought I turned my heel and sprinted out of the greenhouse as fast my feet could take me all the way back to my room. He's here.
*
Dressed in a white dress and pearl jewelry, I stare at myself in the mirror. My chest tightens as I clutch a matching hat, distorting the fabric. With one last look, I tear myself away and down the stairs. Outside I see Taran and the sight of him makes my chest ache and my eyes prickle despite trying to contain my heavy emotions, I walk towards him without a second thought.
At the sight of me, his whole posture changed to relax into aggravation. "What are you doing here? You should be enjoying yourself not bothering yourself with me." He stops as I approach closer, noticing something is not quite right.
I couldn't contain it anymore. Tears flowed from my eyes and a strangled sob escapes my lips. Once close enough, I wrap my arms around his torso, burying my head into his shoulder and hugging onto him as if my life depended on it. "He's here," I cried curling my fingers into the fabric of his jacket. "He's going to take me away. The piper."
I felt him pull me closer, fingers gripping handfuls of my hair. His lips brush the top of my temple before letting me go. His whole body screamed rage as he stormed off leaving me.
*
He bared his teeth threateningly, letting out an inhuman growl. The piper smiled, adorned with another glamour that hid his true face. It was obvious that he felt no threat towards the wolf in front of him or the other wolf that appeared to help support Taran.
Irked at the lack of reaction, Taran lunged gripping onto the piper and tore at him, the other male wolf following the lead.. Lacerations were formed, blood pooled onto the floor and with one last growl Taran gave a final blow. The pipers body fell to the ground with a thump but as soon as it did, everything about him faded away as if he never existed.
The piper appeared on the other side of the room, adorning his true face, and laughing. He gave another smile before disappearing.
*
I'm standing in the contained forest again, staring up at the branches of the tallest tree in the greenhouse. As if compelled, I turn my head to peer over me shoulder to see him standing behind me. He holds his hand out towards me, just like all those years ago.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Midsummer's Eve
The start of summer has begun once again. We all celebrate the coming of the heat, the long days, and intimacy that summer brings. Music fills the night under the endless stars and bodies twirl in a thoughtless dance.
With a simple twirl, the soft earth pulsating against my bare feet filling me with even more energy that hovered in the air. My vision is filled endless masked faces and flowing clothes of every color. Women wrapped in elaborate flowing fabrics decorated with gold embroidery, flowers of all kinds, jewelry and beads to appear more appealing to any potential partners for the night. Men dressed with the same purpose in mind; tunics of light material, exposed skins decorated with colored paints and adorned with various items of the earth; feathers, carved bones, glass beads of earthy tones, and varied jewelry from gold to leather. The various bonfires glowed, casting shadows across every face making identification harder alongside the masks the sat upon cheekbones and only revealing the eyes.
I felt myself being roughly pulled back in mid twirl, crashing into a firm body and strong arms securely wrapping around my waist. Grasping the upper arms of the person who grabbed me, I glanced up to see the identification of who boldly approached me. Dark locks that were half way between curly and wavy covered his head, framing around his face and mask. The mask was painted gold and glistened with gold glitter upon autumn colored leaves and dark feathers. However, familiar dark gold eyes peaked from the mask reflected the fire's glow making them a deeper gold than I normally saw them.
With a laugh, I pressed closer against his body despite the heat of the night and the fire. I was anything but surprise that he found me in the mass of dancing bodies. "Taran," I greeted with a smile before reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck. Even in the darkness of the night, the contrast of our skin tones was striking.With a smirk as a greeting, he effortlessly lifted me from the ground in a bunch of twirls, the white fabrics of my dress trailing after me and lose flower petals falling from my hair. Laughing, I held onto him tighter with my focus on his dark orbs.
My feet finally found the ground noticing that he had withdrew away from the light of the fires towards the darkness of the forest. Filled with adrenaline of the atmosphere, I boldly slipped my fingers into his dark locks pulling his head down to meet into a deep kiss to his surprise.
Midsummer's Eve is a night for intimacy and celebration, and I had my partner for the rest of the eve.
With a simple twirl, the soft earth pulsating against my bare feet filling me with even more energy that hovered in the air. My vision is filled endless masked faces and flowing clothes of every color. Women wrapped in elaborate flowing fabrics decorated with gold embroidery, flowers of all kinds, jewelry and beads to appear more appealing to any potential partners for the night. Men dressed with the same purpose in mind; tunics of light material, exposed skins decorated with colored paints and adorned with various items of the earth; feathers, carved bones, glass beads of earthy tones, and varied jewelry from gold to leather. The various bonfires glowed, casting shadows across every face making identification harder alongside the masks the sat upon cheekbones and only revealing the eyes.
I felt myself being roughly pulled back in mid twirl, crashing into a firm body and strong arms securely wrapping around my waist. Grasping the upper arms of the person who grabbed me, I glanced up to see the identification of who boldly approached me. Dark locks that were half way between curly and wavy covered his head, framing around his face and mask. The mask was painted gold and glistened with gold glitter upon autumn colored leaves and dark feathers. However, familiar dark gold eyes peaked from the mask reflected the fire's glow making them a deeper gold than I normally saw them.
With a laugh, I pressed closer against his body despite the heat of the night and the fire. I was anything but surprise that he found me in the mass of dancing bodies. "Taran," I greeted with a smile before reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck. Even in the darkness of the night, the contrast of our skin tones was striking.With a smirk as a greeting, he effortlessly lifted me from the ground in a bunch of twirls, the white fabrics of my dress trailing after me and lose flower petals falling from my hair. Laughing, I held onto him tighter with my focus on his dark orbs.
My feet finally found the ground noticing that he had withdrew away from the light of the fires towards the darkness of the forest. Filled with adrenaline of the atmosphere, I boldly slipped my fingers into his dark locks pulling his head down to meet into a deep kiss to his surprise.
Midsummer's Eve is a night for intimacy and celebration, and I had my partner for the rest of the eve.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Dream: The Alpha
They were coming.
I shifted uneasily watching lines of them encircle us against a canyon wall. There was no where to run, no where to hide, and they were closing in even further. The wolves paced around, no aggressive motions but tense ready to act when directed.
The little ones wouldn't have a chance.
With a commend that reverberated against the limestone canyon walls, the wolves transformed. Lifting themselves up onto their hindquarters, morphing into a humanoid form. Majority of them were men, easily identified as fighters, hunters, warriors with their leather armor and muscular forms. A rumble of a growl vibrated from throat but there was nothing I can do. Either become apart of the pack or die. It was as simple as that and there was no way I was going to allow these pups to die.
The men beckond friendly towards the children, who hesitantly stepped forward toward these strangers that they were to call family. I could feel they're flickered glances towards me, looking for permission, for guidance. I could only give a tiny nod of assurance. Instantly the children began inspecting their elders, testing their boundaries, and gravitating towards certain individuals.
The children may need this protection, but I was certainly not going to assimilate without difficulty. My scoff was heard by the closest man standing next to me, an raised eye brow was sent in my direction. I met his gaze, lifting my head higher showing that I had no fear of him or any of the others here. "I am still an alpha, and I won't give that up."
Instantly the man chuckled, amusement twinkling in his eyes. "Are you now?"
"Yes," I growled threateningly, narrowing my eyes towards him.
He took a moment, leaning against the staff he was carrying. There was still a smile plastered on his face, but his eyes had intensified in an examining manner. I met his gaze unwavering, waiting. It felt like their was silence just between us, the noise of the world had been drowned out around us. Then he faltered, pulling back his intensity as if he came to a decision. "I wouldn't mind following you."
Instantly I relaxed a bit. There was no joking or mocking tone from his voice, but truth.
The night had fallen, the twilight spend mostly with the children and this pack establishing a bond with each other. The man followed me everywhere I went, growling at any other in his, -our- pack who laughter at the notion of being a alpha. A young women who barely had any wisdom of the world in comparison to many of the women who dwell within the pack.
That's when I saw him. Instantly I know he was the alpha in this pack, the one who shouted out the commands when we pressed against the back of the canyon. His presence seeped out dominance, demanding respect and unquestioned authority. The way that two men followed him positioned themselves around him as a protectors but also not questioning his strength to take care of himself.
His eyes found mine, and like before, refused to waver my gaze. If anything, I lifted my chin a little higher in defiance. His guards snarled at my act, but a small smug smile spread across his face. He nodded his head in a direction, silently informing me to follow. I step over the dusty, desert red rocks to follow him, ignoring the two guards who stayed in place and the man following me also stood in his place, waiting.
No matter what, I would fight for my place.
I shifted uneasily watching lines of them encircle us against a canyon wall. There was no where to run, no where to hide, and they were closing in even further. The wolves paced around, no aggressive motions but tense ready to act when directed.
The little ones wouldn't have a chance.
With a commend that reverberated against the limestone canyon walls, the wolves transformed. Lifting themselves up onto their hindquarters, morphing into a humanoid form. Majority of them were men, easily identified as fighters, hunters, warriors with their leather armor and muscular forms. A rumble of a growl vibrated from throat but there was nothing I can do. Either become apart of the pack or die. It was as simple as that and there was no way I was going to allow these pups to die.
The men beckond friendly towards the children, who hesitantly stepped forward toward these strangers that they were to call family. I could feel they're flickered glances towards me, looking for permission, for guidance. I could only give a tiny nod of assurance. Instantly the children began inspecting their elders, testing their boundaries, and gravitating towards certain individuals.
The children may need this protection, but I was certainly not going to assimilate without difficulty. My scoff was heard by the closest man standing next to me, an raised eye brow was sent in my direction. I met his gaze, lifting my head higher showing that I had no fear of him or any of the others here. "I am still an alpha, and I won't give that up."
Instantly the man chuckled, amusement twinkling in his eyes. "Are you now?"
"Yes," I growled threateningly, narrowing my eyes towards him.
He took a moment, leaning against the staff he was carrying. There was still a smile plastered on his face, but his eyes had intensified in an examining manner. I met his gaze unwavering, waiting. It felt like their was silence just between us, the noise of the world had been drowned out around us. Then he faltered, pulling back his intensity as if he came to a decision. "I wouldn't mind following you."
Instantly I relaxed a bit. There was no joking or mocking tone from his voice, but truth.
The night had fallen, the twilight spend mostly with the children and this pack establishing a bond with each other. The man followed me everywhere I went, growling at any other in his, -our- pack who laughter at the notion of being a alpha. A young women who barely had any wisdom of the world in comparison to many of the women who dwell within the pack.
That's when I saw him. Instantly I know he was the alpha in this pack, the one who shouted out the commands when we pressed against the back of the canyon. His presence seeped out dominance, demanding respect and unquestioned authority. The way that two men followed him positioned themselves around him as a protectors but also not questioning his strength to take care of himself.
His eyes found mine, and like before, refused to waver my gaze. If anything, I lifted my chin a little higher in defiance. His guards snarled at my act, but a small smug smile spread across his face. He nodded his head in a direction, silently informing me to follow. I step over the dusty, desert red rocks to follow him, ignoring the two guards who stayed in place and the man following me also stood in his place, waiting.
No matter what, I would fight for my place.
Monday, February 10, 2014
The Duck and Happiness
It's over. The credits are rolling by with an image of Fakir by the lake with his quill in hand, and parchments resting in his lap with Ahiru swimming around returned to her original form as a tiny, yellow duck. There was a happy ending for everyone, except the one who saved them all.
Princess Tutu, a beautiful and heart-wrenching animation, of how a duck became a princess in order to save the prince that she loved from the Raven. She loved so much that she was able to become human and was doomed to vanish in a speck of light the moment she proclaimed her love to the prince. However, she was able to transcend her role and save everyone with the hope that glowed pulsed from inside her. Alongside with Fakir, the wordsmith who wrote the ending of the tale through her guiding emotions, they broke the bonds of fate. She saved everyone from the tragic ending that was written to happen. However, in the end the prince loved another princess. He took this princess instead and Princess Tutu, who gave and loved so much, returned to being a duck.
In my opinion, such a beautiful tale with a dissatisfying ending for the heroine. I couldn't help but cry for the fate she choose. She lived but what was left for her?
I was so depressed about the ending. I just kept thinking and thinking until it trailed off into a personal level. Will our fates be similar? It all ready seems very similar. Giving up our lives, repeating centuries of reincarnation, sacrificing life's greatest treasures such as raising a child, being seperated from our most precious people and so much more. And still we haven't reached a goal of being happy, being together.
Will there every be a happy ending for us? For me?
Princess Tutu, a beautiful and heart-wrenching animation, of how a duck became a princess in order to save the prince that she loved from the Raven. She loved so much that she was able to become human and was doomed to vanish in a speck of light the moment she proclaimed her love to the prince. However, she was able to transcend her role and save everyone with the hope that glowed pulsed from inside her. Alongside with Fakir, the wordsmith who wrote the ending of the tale through her guiding emotions, they broke the bonds of fate. She saved everyone from the tragic ending that was written to happen. However, in the end the prince loved another princess. He took this princess instead and Princess Tutu, who gave and loved so much, returned to being a duck.
In my opinion, such a beautiful tale with a dissatisfying ending for the heroine. I couldn't help but cry for the fate she choose. She lived but what was left for her?
I was so depressed about the ending. I just kept thinking and thinking until it trailed off into a personal level. Will our fates be similar? It all ready seems very similar. Giving up our lives, repeating centuries of reincarnation, sacrificing life's greatest treasures such as raising a child, being seperated from our most precious people and so much more. And still we haven't reached a goal of being happy, being together.
Will there every be a happy ending for us? For me?
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