Dear Child

He is no longer here; though I know he's been here within the last few hours.  I tentatively stepped down into the clear pound with my bare feet not caring that the white dress, the one I adorn every time I step into the realm, was getting wet. I reach out and lightly touch Wynn's white trunk feeling the smoothed out surface. "He's no longer here, is he?" I inquired glancing up at the branches.

"Yes."

"I was hoping to talking to him. I want to meet him," I sighed leaning forward and resting part of my temple against Wynn. He was like a ghost, close by, observing, but never seen and always one step ahead of everyone. But today I could feel his call, the undeniably pull to come to this sacred place. Unfortunately, I had to resist the call with much difficulty to avoid causing trouble at my job.

"Try calling for him."

I gave Wynn a blank, unamused look. "I don't even know his name. How can I possibly call him?"

"Just try."

I sighed heavily pulling away from the great oak tree. Closing my eyes I inhale deeply trying to figure out what to do exactly. Instead of calling out a name, I gathered up my energy inside thinking of a ball of light inside of me that eventually exploded sending out ways of light. I focused on the feeling and emotions I often received when thinking of him.

"You don't have to call so loudly child."

I felt my heart leap in my chest, I spun around quickly to see the one I've been searching for standing there as if he's been there all along. He easily stepped into the water without a second thought and takes his place next to me. He is focused on Wynn and reached out a hand, resting it flatly against the trunk for a few moments.

I remain silent watching every movement he made, feeling absolutely flustered. His voice was quiet, smooth and gentle but it struck a cord in my very being, within my soul. The moment he spoke, I felt drawn to him and undeniable pull to the point where I just want to inhale his very essence to ease my yearning. It was nothing sexual, this desire, it was --is-- something pure, something indescribable.

As I expected, standing next to him I could just sense how incredibly young I was in comparison to him. I do not mean in the physical sense but through the soul. He felt old despite his physical appearance. He stood much taller than myself by at least two feet, skin like alabaster. Straight, soft white locks fell from the top of his head with half of it pulled up into a pony tail with the rest cascaded down his back towards the ground. His eyes were so beautiful, they were a dark blue but the blue that you would see when night was creeping into the sky when the sun was setting. It felt like a soft, ethereal glow to him just like the moon reflected in the night sky.

"You've been wanting to meet me?" His voice snapped me back into focus. I nodded nervously and he gave a small, gentle smile. "Come, walk with me." He stepped out of the pound and held out a hand for me to take. I slipped my hand into his and he helps me out of the water before we start walking side by side.

The thought of walking somewhere else instantly strikes nervousness in me which he noted almost immediately. "Is something the matter child?"

I do not mind that he calls me a child, I understand in his eyes that I am a very young child. "I've never explored further than where Wynn resides," I admitted, feeling embarrassed for my nervous behavior. However, he does not seem to mind it. Instead he questioned me in a different topic.

"Wynn is the name you gave the oak?"

I nod, instantly feeling the need to explain my reasoning for choosing the name. He listened silently, nodding his head in an understanding manner before commenting his like for the name. Hesitantly, I requested his name for which he sighed softly. "I had a name one but it has long been lost in time. No one uses my name anymore therefore I no longer needed my name."

We reach the destination he guided us to. It's a small cliff that looks upon a large waterfall with the full moon hovering high in the sky. Instantly I could feel my spirit soar at the beautiful sight, reaching high up trying to touch the moon. I could not hold back a bright smile at the sight. There are a few moments of silence before I return to the previous topic. "Do you not have any immediate family anymore to use your name?"

"No.Though I have many descendants the line has extended to far for anyone to remember. Many of siblings are no longer around and there are few that carry my bloodline strongly."

"Since bloodline is not enough," He turns his head, eyes focused upon me indicating that he is listening. "Though many have your bloodline, not many have the draw, or association to the moon?"

"Correct." He reached out and smoothed back by bangs, running his hand down through my hair. The action reminded me of a parent endearingly touching their child out of love. "It's been a long time since I met any of my descendants who fit that category."

"Did I ever meet you when I was... well, in my first life?"

A light shake of his head came in pair with his response. "No."

"Did you ever meet my mother? My first mother?" I added on quickly, correcting my previous statement by adding more detail.

"Only once. She may have my bloodline and does have that moon association, it is no where near as strong as yours. When I met her, I had advised her to give present the Moon Court to you."

I blinked in surprised, no where expecting that answer from him. "You were the one who advised her to do that?" I always knew that mother was the one to name me to take upon Moon Court but I had always wondered why me especially when I was so young.

"It was I child. You were the best choice to take up the role even though it wouldn't be until you were older."

"What about Ciar?" As much as I hated Cair with every fiber of my being, he was still strongly associated with the moon like I was. He was still of the same bloodline as mine though not as directly, he was still a descendant of this man I stood next to.

"Ciar." The tone of voice was one of obvious disdain, as if the name left a bad taste in his mouth. "He let power and desire cloud his head and went insane because of it. The fool falling in love with a star." As soon as the emotion of hatred had came, it disappeared with a sigh. "However, insanity is also apart of our line unfortunately. Many of my siblings fell to the power of the mind, wrapped up in their selfish desires whether it was to be loved or control of absolute power. After all, your word for lunatic has its roots to the word for moon."

"I have lived for a long time child. I have seen the world change many times, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. I may be old, but I do not regret living. I do not wish to fade away from existence as many assume from those who are immortal. There is still something new to see with each passing age." He glanced down at me, a small smile upon his features again. He reaches out and smoothed back my hair again before caressing my cheek. "I am glad that there is still hope for my line."

"For now, sleep. I can feel you fading away from this place."

"Can I meet you again?" I requested, a little afraid that this was my one and only time of speaking to him. He paused before agreeing, saying that he would like to see me again. "Is there a name I can call you?"

"No. I do not have a name for you to call me, however, you can give me a name. Like you have given Wynn a name."

With that I slip away into the darkness of unconsciousness.

Just Let Go

"Let go."

Uriel's repeated words echoed in my head. It was not like a chant but the moment my mind started to draw away from the topic his words smoothly cut through any distracting thoughts. Just like all our previous meetings, it is always the same message: "You have to let go."

Music is not the method for me. His last attempt did conclude with me relaxing more but no where to the depth that he wants me to be.

To absolutly let go and to lose myself is a huge obstacle that I can not seem to climb over. I'm standing at the line where if I step over there would a flood gate of opportunities and abilities that I would have access to. I can feel the knowledge that hovers behind the line but it's the line that I can not cross no matter how much I try to force myself. I have to be in control; despite how easy going I can be with other people when it comes to myself I will not allow anything to move me only if I wish it. If there's something I want to do, I will do it: I make the decisions when it's about me.

I'm scared.

Every time I come to this topic I can feel the desire to move from this spot and push forward, however, I'm scared to make the drop. The rare moments I begin slip away from my control there is a sudden realization that I am doing so and I snap back in a tight grip. My heart is always racing and I can feel the fear.

Why? Why is it so hard to do something that everyone seems to grasp so easily?

"The world won't shatter if you let go."

But it will. There's a sudden realization of why I am so afraid to just let go. It's because I am afraid of the truth that I may find. That truth could shatter my entire world that I've come to terms with the last two years.

The words just pour out of my mouth, "I am afraid. I am afraid that everything I know, everything I learned and felt these past two years are not real. Not that these entities are noy real, I have no doubt with that truth. I am afraid that these relationships that I've re-created with my family is fake. I'm afraid that this person that I've apparently loved throughout my lives just created this elaborate storyline and fed me all these lies in order to entertain himself. And I'm hating myself for doubting him like this. I have hard proof from when he's channeled, my friends assuring with a level of amazement of how much he cares, these memories, all the days and nights where I call for his comfort and never hesitates to give it. But there is that what if.

I'm terrified that all this is lie."

I can feel as these words escape my mouth, Taran's entire body language changing beside me. I can feel the sudden surprise but also that he's taking in every single word I say, processing it. I know what I say hurts him, to have this doubt in him when he clearly does not a single strand of doubt in me. At the same time, he seems to understand and mules over the information I've given.

I just want to step off the edge, I do want to let go but the fear is holding me back.

"It's all right to let go. I will always be here to catch you." Despite my hurtful doubts, he still is here unwavering. How can he be this strong and unafraid?

I stare at the edge, the line, the wall. Please, I beg in my mind to whoever is listening, Don't let my world shatter.

The Candles

An autumn scent emitted from the candle on the side table. Picking up the lighter I stared at the five candles set up neatly on my dresser; three, tall white candles with two tiny green in between resting in a glass container. I close my eyes words tumbling into existence without any effort as I lit each wick; Let these candles guide any lost souls back home. Return to where you need to be. Let the light guide your way.

The flames flicker into existence, the wick crackling. This feeling... it's hard to describe. Familiar, like I've done this a million times before. It feels calming and rewarding. It feels like someone's listening. It feels... good.

An image flashes in my mind. I'm standing in a middle of a marble hall in bare footed, the cold stone beneath my feet. I'm standing tall dressed in a long white dress hanging every curve and the hem dragging behind me. My hair is longer, thicker, lighter hanging down to my waist. My fingers loosely laced together in front, gazing endearingly at the endless white candles lining both sides of the hall.

Have I done this before, long ago?

Name

Sitting here looking through a list of Welsh-origin names; Deryn, Arianwen, Ceri, Kiah, Seren... and then there was the name Lynn. I never knew that my middle name was related to a Welsh word, I was surprised to be honest. Though it's mostly a feminine name, it can be masculine. In English, the name can mean "pretty." However, it's roots derive from the Welsh (some sources just give a general category of Celtic) word llyn meaning lake and can be interpreted as meaning simply "lake" or "by/from the lake.

Bodies of water, such as lakes, have always been interpreted as connections with the Otherworld as gateways and the supernatural residents of the Otherworld. There are various stories, myths, and legends that have this water connection throughout the Insular Celtic countries including the island of Avalon, Arther receiving Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake, fae women being whisk away by mortal men to marry, and the list continues.

This would be a fitting name if the child is born a female. She would be named after me from this current life that she will be born into but still not from this plane. She will be fae, there is no question in that, a resident of the Otherworld. She would be from both worlds it would be only fitting that she should get a name that would work in both realms.

Lynn. I think that would be a nice name.

Dream or reality?

Is this merely a trick of my unbalanced hormones influencing my desires for a family or a twisted fate of being prevented from properly raising my child once again?

I twirl a pencil in my hand staring an empty piece of paper, partially listening to Carwyn's voice giving Taran a verbal lashing. So many different opinions, information, and suggestions have been given since this morning. At least I've been able to calm down from the absolute disbelief from the morning, continuously referring back to the pendulum to make sure I was hearing correctly. But every time, every single bloody time the pendulum swung yes.

None of this feels real like this is some kind of huge joke that everyone was in on. They've been wrong before why can't this situation be any different? Maybe this monthly cycle is just really messing me up and they're reading all the signs wrong. I keep telling myself this, but a voice in the back of my mind reminds me constantly that Pedran is a trained physician. Why would he lie about something serious as this?

Dropping the pencil on the table I glance at my brother, surprised to see him grasping Taran's collar tightly looking like he wanted to throttle the man in his grasp despite the obvious difference in stature and size. Taran, however, just allowed Carwyn to vent but also absorbing every word that came tumbling out.

I wonder if this is how parents feel when they receive surprising news like this with their children. Some kind a mixture of between anger and frustration and 'You should of known better' but mixed in with some kind endearment of the idea of a child. Is this what Carwyn is feeling? Is this what others are feeling? I don't know how I feel, there is no way I could compare how anyone else is feeling about this possibility of caring a child.

Just seeing how Carwyn was still grasping Taran's collar, I furrowed my brows. Throughout the day Taran's been the target for any anger while I've been treated carefully like a glass flower that would crack with any mishandling. He's received such a variety of criticism from what were you thinking, you should have known better and he probably planned this all along. The last comment angers and upsets me every time I think about it. I keep being told that it's rare for this to happen and if that's so, Taran probably didn't think anything was going to happen. He can be an asshole, I know that and I've seen it, but he's not that much of an asshole. It's like saying that he didn't care about what I thought and he was using me which is such a ridiculous notion.

Even now, I can feel guilt and some regret radiating from him. What Carywn was saying to him, he was taking to heart. Shouldn't I be sharing the blame for this? After all I did say okay to his advances. We thought nothing of it, the astral place functions on a different level than the physical reality. We love each other, isn't that natural?

"Do you regret? Do you regret any of this" He asks me so sincerely. He out of Carwyn's grasp and leaning in close playing with the ends of my hair. He's staring straight into my eyes unwavering, waiting for my answer.

I shake my head. lightly "Not a single thing." I reach out, barely brushing my fingertips against his cheek. He seems relieved with my answer but not content.

He offers another way, hesitantly. "There are ways to prevent having the child. Just an option that you can take if you don't want this. There's always another choice."

Just the idea makes my stomach turn unpleasantly in rejection. I appreciate that I was given another choice, given the option but even still I couldn't imagine doing such a thing. As if he could sense my answer without saying or motion anything, he pulls me closer and gently hugs me. Being extra careful like the last few days, extra gentle. Reaching up, I hold onto his arms leaning my head against the middle of his chest.

If this is really happening, how is this all suppose to work? All that I'm told is that it'll be a much quicker pregnancy, no nine month wait, and that physically I shouldn't change to much. Possibly gain a bit of weight and some mood swings, maybe a change in diet. Astrally though, I will physically change drastically that others will notice without trouble. Pedran predicts with the rate I'm growing (if I'm really growing at all) that it will be little over two weeks.

But what then? What happens when I'm suppose to go into labor? Will I physically feel pain or will it be slight and really uncomfortable? How will I know? There is just so many questions that I don't understand. Then there is the concern how will I take care of her if I physically can't touch or hold her? How am I suppose to feel about all this? Am I suppose to be terrified? Am I suppose to joyful?

I just curl myself closer to Taran. Is this a dream or reality?

Dream: The Piper

"Don't you remember?" The lady with the fire red hair, curled in tight curls stared at me curiously.

"No," I shook my head trying to recall.

The lady looked complex about my answer. "I could of swore you returned with a red butterfly balloon. It was such a strange sight."

I frowned and returned forward, slouching against the old leather of my seat. I stare at the back of the seat in front of me, trying to recall. It sounds so familiar, like something I have forgotten. The balloon nudged at my memory. The more I thought about it, the more it started to come back images piecing together;

The forest was dark but rays of moonlight filter through the bare winter trees giving enough comforting light through. Stepping down the path that lead deeper into the snow covered forest, I wondered why I was here. Why did I come down? When did I start walking down this path?

I pause my stride, noticing I'm not alone. A silhouette dashes through amongst the branches of the trees, and my eyes can't figure out where the silhouette is, but I know someone is there. A thump resonates from behind, and I turn, startled to find a young man standing there with an arrogant, confident grin on his face. He greets me, holding out his hand with the palm stretched completely open before a snowflakes appear swirling around from a non-existent wind, rising out of the palm of his hand.

My eyes widen, taking a step back away from him. His hair is as dark as the night without any moonlight shining in the sky, his eyes a hypnotic violet-blue that try to pull me deeper into a trance. He stands much taller than my young, child body wearing such a strange outfit. Golds, purples, and dark, deep blues color his outfit but all such fine clothing to announce his status of someone noble. He chuckles, lowering himself to my eye level and beckons me closer, "Come here child."

Hesitantly, I step closer. His voice is smooth, and comforting but something in the back of my mind tells me that its false, its in his nature. He drapes a bright, deep red cloak around my shoulders. Instantly I feel much warmer, I curled my hands into the fabric wanting to warm them so more. He reaches out and takes one of my hands in his own, feeling just how ice cold they were in comparison. He leans forward whispering into my ear.

That's right. I recall walking out of the forest with his guidance but he disappeared the moment I returned to my classmates. Around my wrist, a red, butterfly balloon is tied there to prevent it from flying around. I scrunch my face, trying to remember what he had said to me that night. However, I only draw a blank.

With one more bump, the bus rolled to a complete stop. Grabbing our language from underneath seats and above, we exited out of the vehicle to be greeted with the fresh, sweet air and lush green scenery. Our hotel mimicking an old stone castle with moss, and other over grown plants clinging to the old stone walls trying to reach for the skies.

Inside was a absolutely different. The room I was to share with three other girls was rather a romantic setting. The floor a pure white tile that was tinted a light pink from the reflection of the soft, light see-through pastel pink fabrics used as curtains for the tall windows and shades for our beds. Everything in the room was elegant, feminine, and gave a warm gentle feel. Dropping my bag near the bed I claimed as mine, I brushed aside the fabric in order to get to the puffy, feathered comforter and collapse on top of it.

*

Groaning, I lifted my heavy head and managed to see the back of my roommate just before she disappeared out the door. Frowning, I quickly scrambled out of my bed to follow her. Where on earth would she be going outside in her night gown for?

I continued to follow her out the hotel and down the stone path towards what looked like a huge green house. Huge enough to hold a mini forest which is what it exactly held. My roommate pushed open the glass door and stepped in. Hesitantly, I follow through the left open door and find that she has completely disappeared. Each step is filled with caution as I walk deeper into this contained forest, huddling next to tree trunks when they were close enough, observing the area looking for any signs of my roommate or anyone before moving on. I pause, suddenly feeling like someone is watching and it feels familiar. After a moment, I instantly glance up to see him once again. He's leaning comfortably against the trunk stretched out on a high branch. He's looking down at me amusingly; that confident but arrogant smile stretched across his face.

"Pipers have the power to whisk people away in the dead of the night with their music."

"Each one has their own unique power."

"Children have disappeared..."

"Michael."

My heart jumped with fear and without a second thought I turned my heel and sprinted out of the greenhouse as fast my feet could take me all the way back to my room. He's here.

*

 Dressed in a white dress and pearl jewelry, I stare at myself in the mirror. My chest tightens as I clutch a matching hat, distorting the fabric. With one last look, I tear myself away and down the stairs. Outside I see Taran and the sight of him makes my chest ache and my eyes prickle despite trying to contain my heavy emotions, I walk towards him without a second thought.

At the sight of me, his whole posture changed to relax into aggravation. "What are you doing here? You should be enjoying yourself not bothering yourself with me." He stops as I approach closer, noticing something is not quite right.

I couldn't contain it anymore. Tears flowed from my eyes and a strangled sob escapes my lips. Once close enough, I wrap my arms around his torso, burying my head into his shoulder and hugging onto him as if my life depended on it. "He's here," I cried curling my fingers into the fabric of his jacket. "He's going to take me away. The piper."

I felt him pull me closer, fingers gripping handfuls of my hair. His lips brush the top of my temple before letting me go. His whole body screamed rage as he stormed off leaving me.

*

He bared his teeth threateningly, letting out an inhuman growl. The piper smiled, adorned with another glamour that hid his true face. It was obvious that he felt no threat towards the wolf in front of him or the other wolf that appeared to help support Taran.

Irked at the lack of reaction, Taran lunged gripping onto the piper and tore at him, the other male wolf following the lead.. Lacerations were formed, blood pooled onto the floor and with one last growl Taran gave a final blow. The pipers body fell to the ground with a thump but as soon as it did, everything about him faded away as if he never existed.

The piper appeared on the other side of the room, adorning his true face, and laughing. He gave another smile before disappearing.

*

I'm standing in the contained forest again, staring up at the branches of the tallest tree in the greenhouse. As if compelled, I turn my head to peer over me shoulder to see him standing behind me. He holds his hand out towards me, just like all those years ago.

Midsummer's Eve

The start of summer has begun once again. We all celebrate the coming of the heat, the long days, and intimacy that summer brings. Music fills the night under the endless stars and bodies twirl in a thoughtless dance.

With a simple twirl, the soft earth pulsating against my bare feet filling me with even more energy that hovered in the air. My vision is filled endless masked faces and flowing clothes of every color. Women wrapped in elaborate flowing fabrics decorated with gold embroidery, flowers of all kinds, jewelry and beads to appear more appealing to any potential partners for the night. Men dressed with the same purpose in mind; tunics of light material, exposed skins decorated with colored paints and adorned with various items of the earth; feathers, carved bones, glass beads of earthy tones, and varied jewelry from gold to leather. The various bonfires glowed, casting shadows across every face making identification harder alongside the masks the sat upon cheekbones and only revealing the eyes.

I felt myself being roughly pulled back in mid twirl, crashing into a firm body and strong arms securely wrapping around my waist. Grasping the upper arms of the person who grabbed me, I glanced up to see the identification of who boldly approached me. Dark locks that were half way between curly and wavy covered his head, framing around his face and mask. The mask was painted gold and glistened with gold glitter upon autumn colored leaves and dark feathers. However, familiar dark gold eyes peaked from the mask reflected the fire's glow making them a deeper gold than I normally saw them.

With a laugh, I pressed closer against his body despite the heat of the night and the fire. I was anything but surprise that he found me in the mass of dancing bodies. "Taran," I greeted with a smile before reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck. Even in the darkness of the night, the contrast of our skin tones was striking.With a smirk as a greeting, he effortlessly lifted me from the ground in a bunch of twirls, the white fabrics of my dress trailing after me and lose flower petals falling from my hair. Laughing, I held onto him tighter with my focus on his dark orbs.

My feet finally found the ground noticing that he had withdrew away from the light of the fires towards the darkness of the forest. Filled with adrenaline of the atmosphere, I boldly slipped my fingers into his dark locks pulling his head down to meet into a deep kiss to his surprise.

Midsummer's Eve is a night for intimacy and celebration, and I had my partner for the rest of the eve.