The Dark Road Ahead

I was running. It felt so surreal; that night, that moment.

My lungs were burning for air, my calves screamed at me for running up the mountain without stop. The endless, bright red shrine gates hovering over the old, stone steps. Dim lights laced the top of the gates together allowing some vision of the path, but outside the gate was absolute darkness. It felt like nothing existed outside of the path, only darkness waited.

Oh, how I wanted to stop and breath for a moment, just to catch my breath. Adrenaline pumped through every vein, the thrill of the atmosphere edged me on telling me not to stop. I could feel the spirits encouraging, racing outside the tunneled gates. I could just imagine Inari's fox messengers dashing up their mountain along with the stream of people.

Up I continued, making sure I didn't fall behind my companions. And then we reached the overlook with the morning light parting through the mists revealing the city below. Returning to me to reality. My chest heaved as I stared at the sight, the brand new day arriving with the sunlight filtering through the cloudy sky.

Walking down back the mountain, the darkness had dissolved and revealed the forest that had hid only moments before. Those brief few minutes were one of the best moments I've ever hard. I was all ready wishing that I was reliving it. Reliving the isolation of the path ahead of me and nothing else could touch me.

I have yet to feel another moment like that; where the path was crystal clear despite the darkness, leading me to the brand new day.

Now I sit in the middle of a stone path staring down the road the fades into darkness. There are no lights this time, no gates, no guiding force, no excitement or adrenaline. Just a feeling of dread and unwillingness as I sit there, staring.

Is this my path? A road full of darkness that I know will lead down to war, death and destruction. Even though I am not moving the darkness is crawling forward, and I wonder if there will be a light at the end.

Can we rebuild what was lost?

"Aren't you angry?" He sounds so dumbfounded. It's the first time he's reacted without any passive aggression or indifference since meeting him in this present life. With slightly widen eyes, it's obvious that his tone is genuine.

I stand in front of him feeling bare in my white dress in comparison to the layers of flowing clothes that adorn his slender form. I shake my head. "Not that I can tell. It's possible that she might be but I am not."

I pause a moment, watching his dark sapphire eyes register what I was saying. "To be honest, I got advice from Winter on what I should do. But you knew that, you over heard me mentioning it on the phone earlier." His tiny nod only confirms what I said. "And I am glad that he gave me advice I wasn't expecting. It's been thousands and hundreds of years since the incident. People change, especially after that amount of time. I would like to believe that you feel guilt for what happened."

Reaching out, I take one of his hands. His fingers are long and thin, similar to my own but slightly larger. I lift his hand and press a light kiss on his knuckles before pressing my the side of my check against the back of his hand. "I wish to rebuild our friendship. Winter explained to me fae hold grudges and honestly, I wasn't expecting to have this conversation with you so soon. I was suggested to take it slow, have you trust me as I want to trust you." Lifting my head to meet his gaze, I notice that they have soften. Something I feel like I haven't seen in a long time, a very long time.

"Let me ask you this, do you regret what you did?"

Kuval replies softly after a moment, "Yes." I stare up at him, feeling in my gut that there was something more to his answer.

"You don't fully regret telling him where I was."

"I do not."  He readjusts his hand; removing it from my grasp and holds onto my hand instead. His fingers lightly play with mine as he stares down at them refusing to meet my gaze. "I did not want to see you get married. He said he only wanted to persuade you into helping him. If you got hurt, I didn't mind. I wanted you to hurt the same way I was hurting."

"But you didn't know he was going to hurt me the way he did though, did you?" I vaguely could recall an image of my batter body long ago, how Taran saw me when he discovered my prison. Kuval pauses his motions as if he was recalling the past himself.

"No." There was a brief silence before his thumb start rubbing the back of my hand gently. "When they brought you back in after missing for a week, I thought you were dead. I was horrified but also slightly satisfied. The satisfaction of if I couldn't have you no one would. But...more horrified. In your condition, I was surprised that you were still some how alive."

Slowly, I lower myself pulling Kuval down with me. Ripples of water spread out from around us as we sat down in the inch leveled water. The water didn't feel cool or hot, just there along with our presence. I pull my hand from his grasp and lightly place my hand on the surface of the water letting ripples spread away from my hand. I like how it feels; not breaking the surface of the water but still feel the molecules pressing against my skin.

"And then you died soon after..."

"I suppose," I reply casually. The death of my first life was still very much a mystery to me. I can not recall any details of the time, eventually I know I will learn the truth but for now I have to focus on other things. Court things, building connections, training my body and mind, and my list goes on.

I sit there for a moment, staring at my hand. The words then came tumbling out of my mouth before even considering them. As if they had to be said. "You know, despite being in this life I... I still love Taran. He's the only one that I've been with in all my lives. Even now, I still do." I glance up to meet his gaze and surprised to see the expression on his face that couldn't be properly described in words. A complex mixture of hurt and anger.

In an instant, I saw a flash of light being reflected from the corner of my eye. My mind screamed knife and I jerked my hand back. Where my hand was previously resting, a silver dagger stood up from the ground, the tip of the blade buried into the ground.

Not knowing when and how he got there, Taran was in a protective crouch. An arm was wrapped securely around my whole waist that had pulled me back as I cradled both of my hands to my chest. His whole form seem to encase my own, my back against his torso, leaning over my head and one of his hands held out stiffly mimicking a claw, revealing his sharp, long nails in a threatening way. His chest rumbled with a low growl as her snarled at Kuval,"You dare harm your queen!?"

Kuval's dark sapphire eyes narrow, expressing his obvious disgust and dislike for Taran. He merely shrug his shoulders lightly as if Taran's words just rolled off of him. With a single graceful, flowing movement he stood and turned away from the both of us to walk away.

"Wait!" Taran's arm tightens around my waist as I reach out a hand towards Kuval as if compelling him to stop. To my surprise, Kuval did pause, peering over his shoulder. "Is there any hope at all? To fix our friendship?" I had to know so I didn't waste my efforts. I want to fix this but this is going to be a two way street, I can not do this alone.

Kuval remained silent for a few moments as if considering his options. "Maybe."

The Rain

I pull the wool cloak closer to my body trying to keep what little warmth I had left in while scanning the area again for signs of him. My once tight blonde curls now hung loosely, heavy with rain along with everything else. The wool cloak weighted down my shoulders, soaking up every ounce of rain water that was possible. The cold numbed every bit of my exposed skin, slowly inching for the skin that was hidden beneath the dress and cloak.

'He'll be here soon.' I keep telling myself the same thing over and over, despite hours having all ready past since the meeting time. I just couldn't pull myself away to return home. Worry nagged at the back of the mind; did something happen to him? What if I go home and just miss him? Is he all right? Did he forget?

I pause my thoughts, stiffening at hearing something in the distance. I strained my ears trying to pick up where the sound was coming from, stepping back closer to the treeline. I couldn't assume it was him; it could easily be someone from the village or neighboring tribe. Or worse, a Roman solider. Glancing on my right, I spotted a figure running in the distant. The figure came closer, and as the details became clearer, I instantly recognized his black mess of hair making my heart leap. Finally, after hours of waiting, he arrived.

Hurrying out of the safety of the trees, I ran to meet him half way no longer caring about protecting myself from the rain nor worrying about anyone seeing us. The longing to be with him easily overcame any worries that I had. Instantly he gathered me into his arms as my arms wrapped themselves around his torso. His hands grabbed fists full of my wet hair and pressed me as close to him as he breathlessly murmured my name, apologizing for not being able to come sooner. I buried my face into the cloak that covered his shoulder feeling his chest heave underneath me. "You're here now that's all that matters." I inhaled deeply smelling the forest on him mixed in with his own unique scent.

He pulled back slightly, releasing my hair to move his hands to cup both of my cheeks. He leaned in without a second of hesitation, sweeping me away with endless, careless kisses. It no longer mattered that we were suppose to be meeting in secret or that it was raining. We would always find a way to be together as we were meant to be.

Automatic

The sky gleams red with blood,

The city darkens,

mists seeping in,

blades are sharpen for war.

No one will be untouched,

from the chaos that will ensue,

stars will fall,

and the sun will dim.

Until the light returns to the sky,

hope will be restored,

and what was wronged,

will be right.

Returning the favor

"Taran."

He turned around slowly, facing towards me.

I knew the moment he stayed in Baraz's bedroom that he was thinking about our drop of sunshine. Baraz is a joyful child, well-behaved with tight, blonde curls it was hard not to make the comparison. I know I was thinking about him myself when Baraz was curled perfectly within my arms, leaning his head on my chest. I could only imagine what was going through Taran's mind.

I stepped closer, gently placing my hand on his forearm. All I could do is stare up at him, his golden orbs bore into mine silently. He wasn't going to say anything. "You were thinking about him weren't you?" I questioned hesitantly, not wanting to upset Taran. Remembering has been hard for the both of us. For me, remembering what life I was carrying and to know I had lost it tore at me constantly. I couldn't imagine what Taran felt knowing he didn't just lose one life that day but two.

"Yes." His voice was barely over a whisper making my chest tighten.

The last two weeks he did his best to sooth my pains. Holding onto me close with gentle caresses, whispering the best comfort that he could manage for the situation; 'It's not your fault,' 'There's nothing we can do,' 'We can always try again.' But I didn't--hadn't--return the same comfort.

I flickered a small, sad smile while reaching both of my arms up wrapping them a round his neck. Sliding my fingers into his black mass of hair, I lightly pressed on the back of his head down. His forehead rest against the crook of my neck, his breath skimming against my bare skin. His arms wrapped around my waist as I held him tilting my head to rest against the side of his head. Unlike Taran, I couldn't think of anything to say to ease the pain but just hold him.

I'm sure he didn't want me to see him like this but after tonight, seeing me taking care of Baraz probably triggered something from the past that I didn't remember but he did. We were both suffering at lost of something precious and all we had were other to try and ease the pain.

Drop of Sunshine

The gift of sight is not always a curse but it is not always a blessing. The flow of time is always changing thus nothing is ever certain even if something has been seen. There is always the possibility that something will change and the path will alter.

And the path did alter, away from what I saw to come. My precious child snatched away by the shifting sands of time. The child was going to be a beautiful boy. Honey golden locks, curled and wavy just like his father’s, would frame his round face. A single dimple would claim one of cheeks brightening every smile. Eyes would be a light gold hue that would stand out from beneath the tips of his sun-kissed bangs. An even tan smooth over his skin, darker than my own but lighter than his father's. He was going to be a drop of pure sunshine. Our sunshine.

But he never had the chance to see the light or to even breathe the sweet air. He will never be reincarnated; forever lost without getting an opportunity.

Remembering hurts terribly, and leaves me scared for the future. Because I see another child, a daughter of the night, but I'm afraid that darkness will snatch her away too.

Always Together

It was always the same, no matter what day. My little hands curled in the fine textile of his blouse following behind Carwyn like a shadow, never leaving his side. If any of our kin tried pulling us apart would only be met with resistance. I would kick, tears in eyes, holding onto the fabric of his clothes even tighter refusing to let go. He mimicked similar behavior. His arms always found themselves around me holding onto me tightly, giving a defiant glance to anyone who tried to pull us apart. Eventually they gave up and allowed us to do what we wished.

But nothing can stay the same forever.

I've never seen his sharp cerulean eyes directing a glare at me before. His face flush red with anger and his voice yelling at me for the first time. I sat on the floor, just staring up at him with wide eyes, my chest tight with fear. Where was the kind brother that never yelled at me? Who always gave me a smile and bear hug just because he could? Who was this in front of me? My hands reached out trying to hold onto him, wanting him to stop yelling but he stepped back wrenching himself out of my grasp. Sending another vicious glare he stormed out of the room, and I watched his back disappear as the doors slammed loudly behind him.

"Carwyn..." I whimpered curling myself up into a little ball on the carpet floor, tears stinging my eyes. Hiding my face in my brought up knees, I just cried out loud, not caring who heard me. "Carwyn." 

Where was my brother?

It wasn't long before I heard the doors swing open, banging against the stone walls. I heard vaguely through my cries the sound of fabric dragging along the floor before I was engulfed in a pair of arms, and pulled into a gentle embrace. Immediately I uncurled myself and clung to my mother's form. "Shh... what is my daughter? What's wrong? Where's Carwyn?"

At the sound of his name I only cried louder. It hurt not being next to Carwyn. It felt like a part of myself was missing, that I was incomplete. But I was terrified of seeing that side of Carwyn, I was terrified to see him again. Mother tried hushing me, her fingers gliding through my locks coxing me to calm down. Eventually, after a long while, I did. Just lying there in her arms, exhaustion claiming my tiny body. My eyes felt puffy and heavy, and I sniffed loudly trying to clear my airways.

Mother began to lift me, my arms naturally wrapping themselves around her neck as her arms secured themselves around me before lifting. She stood up, and over her shoulder I saw father standing in the doorway. He appeared worried, his brows were furrowed in concern but he didn't approach any closer. Mother turned towards him making him leave my sight and I stared into the empty room as she stepped forward. She paused and I felt father's strong hand rub affectionately on my back murmuring my name.

"Carwyn." I heard mother's stern call of his name and automatically I turned my head to peer over my shoulder. Carwyn stood in the hall by a corner, his face was still pink from his previous outburst. But he stiffened when she called him name, his expression held regret but I could only imagine it was regret for coming back and getting caught by mother.

"Carwyn come here." This time it was father and hesitantly, Carwyn unwillingly stepped towards us. I tightened my grip around mother's neck when he neared. He stopped right in front of mother and father, his head ducked low slightly. Mother stared to lower me down to the floor in front of Carwyn, and realizing what she was doing I started to scream. "No!!" I cried clinging to mother's neck tighter, lifting my feet up to her waist to keep them from touching the ground.

Mother said by name, but I ignored her tears coming again. I didn't want to be near him, I was scared of him yelling at me again. I was scared to see that piercing glare. Through my tantrum I failed to see the sudden hurt that crossed Carwyn's face.

Mother secured me in her arms again, walking down the hall way into another room. 

The late morning passed to late afternoon. For once, I clung to mother's skirts rather than the Carwyn's blouse. It didn't feel the same, but mother was next comfort I had. My older brothers didn't want their younger sister clinging to them; they want to sword fight, run free. I was only an unwanted burden in their eyes. And my two younger siblings were still to young to wander around without my parents or some sort of adult around.

"Come now, you've been inside all day." Mother gently but firmly urged me forward towards the small steps to the garden. "Enjoy some time outside in the sun. Learn something new from nature, or even go play with your brothers."

My shoulders sagged at her suggestion of my brothers. I all ready knew they would refuse and it was mostly likely that Carwyn was with them. He was a boy, he was allowed to play with our brothers without any prejudice. "But mother-"

Mother cut me off with my name making me wince a little from the tone of voice she gave. There was no point in arguing anymore. "Now go on. You'll be allowed back in after a few hours." With that, she whirled around and disappeared behind closing doors.

With a frown I stepped down to the grass feeling the soft blades under my bare feet. Unable to go back inside I began to wander around. It felt strange being by myself, unnatural almost. I spend a good hour just gazing at the flowers, chasing butterflies, and rolling around in the grass. Until I spotted my brothers in the garden. Instantly, I scrambled behind a patch of overgrown ivy, weaving around a wooden structure.

Squatting down, I waited for them to pass. Minutes went by but I could still hear them from a far. But to far to hear anything comprehensible words. But finally I heard his name. "Carwyn, where you going!?"

I held my breath and I could hear foot steps getting closer. I didn't hear a response from Carwyn but I knew it was his footsteps that were getting closer. Just like I assumed, Carwyn came into full view walking right next to my hiding spot. At first he passed me and I thought I was spared a meeting but he stopped suddenly as if he knew, and he turned around. His eyes were wide with surprise, and I was just as surprised myself that he turned around so suddenly.

A moment past.

"Stay." He told me before taking off somewhere. I felt frozen in my spot as if my body was listening to his commend but in reality my mind was numb. I didn't know what to do. My chest was tight with fear but at the same time filled with longing to be with my twin. He returned before I could make sense of what I was feeling or what to do. He seemed slightly out breath, and cautiously sat down in front of me.

In his outstretched hand was a flower. I stared at the flower before flickering up at his eyes. They held that gentle gaze that I was used to. There were no more signs of the anger that I saw this morning. "I'm sorry..." he murmured quietly still holding out the single flower. Hesitantly, I reached out and took the delicate item into my own hand while the other gently grasped the hem of his sleeve, testing my boundaries with him. 

Slowly a smile claimed his lips. He reached out and his arms wrapped around me for a hug. My hand freed his sleeve and clutched onto him, keeping the flower close to my chest. "I'm sorry too..."